A while back when we received the packet of info on the donor from the agency, there was a letter in there stating that some intended parents have given a card or a small token to the donor on the day of her retrieval. When I saw this letter I started to cry. Really, we can do that? I thought it was so special to get to communicate with her on an intimate level without ever even knowing her name. I started looking for just the right thing the very next day.
I mentioned to a couple friends about this and was cautioned by both in different ways not to get too personal with it, or that perhaps the donor does not want it to be so personal. They both told me to just give it a lot of thought. After all, it is a business contract and the donor is being compensated for her time and trouble. Although I wholeheartedly appreciate my friends helping to keep me and my emotions in check, I knew it was something that I wanted to do. I already felt a very special bond with this young woman. I truly felt God brought her into my life to fulfill a life long desire to be a mother. So I bought her a little charm bracelet that had the words HOPE and JOY inscribed. I would just hold on to it and see how we feel as the date gets closer.
So we received our call from the doctor on Tuesday, November 18, 2014. When I answered the call on my way home from work she told me to hold on, she wanted to put me on speaker phone. She was there in her office with the girls (her staff) and they were talking about me and the donor and how perfectly matched we were. They said it was a trip because we are so much alike physically and personality-wise, and that they have never seen a more perfect "anonymous" match. They all had different stories of what they had each noticed about the two of us. They informed me that they were going to "trigger" the donor [which means they give her a dose of ovulating stimulating meds] and would be doing the retrieval on the morning of November 20. They asked us to come in the next morning so the nurse could show Hubby how to administer the dreaded progesterone shots and give him all the information he needed to go on retrieval day and give his "sample". Since we know what the donor looks like, he joked about what he should do if he ran into her in the hallway! I was so excited. I went home that night and got out the gift and the card I had bought months back. What am I going to say in it? How do you even begin to put into words the extreme gratitude one feels. Hubby said, "just start to write, it will all come to you." So, with a huge lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, I wrote this:
Dear Donor, there really are no words to describe how very grateful we are for the HOPE and JOY you have helped bring to our family. We've heard nothing but how kind and considerate you are from Dr. X and her staff. We will forever remember your kindness and sacrifice. We wish you true happiness in this life, the kind you have brought to me and my family. May God bless you always. Signed, a loving family.So the next morning we arrived to the doctor's office and sat in an empty waiting room, which was a rarity. The receptionist called me over and handed me a card. She said, quizzically, "it's from your donor." Apparently they had never had a donor leave a card for the intended parents before. It was usually the other way around. In it she wrote:
Dear Intended Parents, I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this journey with you both. It has truly been an honor being your donor. I have been told by many people, and especially Dr. X, what incredibly kind people you are - and that makes me feel even more honored to have been chosen by you. While we have never met, I feel we will always have a special bond. I wish you and your family all the best and happiness in this world. Happy Holidays, truly yours, Donor XXX.I was a hot mess!! If I had any semblance of doubt left about the decision we had made, that just blew it all away. It was a true true sign from God above that this is exactly how it was all meant to be. We were both overwhelmed and so grateful.
Hubby learned how to administer the progesterone shots - which are the WORST thing ever - and we went home anxious for the next day.
I thought about her all morning. I wondered if she was alone or if someone was going to be there to take good care of her after her procedure. I prayed for God to keep her safe and free from complications.
We got the call late that night that they had retrieved and fertilized 49 eggs.
Five more days to the transfer!