Since that very first ultrasound where the doctor told us she saw two sacs she said there was a about a 30% chance that one would not continue to grow. It's called "vanishing twin". It's not a normal miscarriage, which causes bleeding and loss of tissue. With a vanishing twin there are generally no signs. The disappearing embryo is absorbed back into the mother's body. Ewwww, that is so creepy! It is generally caused, as with most fetal loss, by genetic abnormalities. It is becoming more and more common due to women having ultrasounds earlier in their pregnancy, as in my case, and due to advanced ultrasound resolution. Physicians are catching more and more of these instances. This "vanishing embryo" tendency is one of the reasons many experienced doctors recommend implanting more than one embryo during IVF. And the reason we decided to go with two.
Baby A was progressing much more rapidly than Baby B. In the early stages it was more than four days behind Baby A in growth. The doctor said that every pregnancy is different and progresses at different stages (and this is considered two pregnancies), but would also tell us not to go bragging to the world we were having twins because there was still high probability it would not stick. Silly doctor. Obviously she does not know me, of course I am going to tell people. :) She said we could be sure after 10 weeks.
So all along I've had it in the back of my mind that this was going to be the case and we were ultimately going to have one baby. Perhaps I was just trying to protect myself from more disappointment, or maybe it was the utter fear of having two babies at one time. Either way, even though I went in weekly and Baby B was still hanging in there, it had not fully sunk in that I was having twins.
It was on my visit the day before Christmas break that it finally hit me. Doctor saw and heard two very strong heartbeats. Baby A - 161 bpm. Baby B - 148 bpm. Baby B was catching up, rapidly, and both babies were growing right on track. I went to work as usual and at some point during the day it hit me. Holy *&%#, I'm having twins. How in the hell am I going to do that? Now, don't get me wrong. I absolutely see the blessings here, and I am exponentially grateful. But I am human, after all, and the thought of having two babies at one time scared the crap out of me. I mostly just worry about how it's all going to work. So many questions running through my head, in no particular order. How do you breastfeed two babies at one time - that can't be pretty. How am I going to get two babies ready and myself every day before work? What is going to happen to my poor body? What are we going to do if have to go on bed rest for a month or (gasp) more?? Are all four of us plus the dog gonna fit in our bed? (jk - Hubby would never allow it. But then again that's what he said about the dog). I'm guessing all this anxiety is fairly normal. And deep down I know in my heart I can handle it, no matter what happens.
Thankfully, I'm not in this alone. Hubby is extremely excited for this, and has been ever since the day we made the decision to implant two. "We'll figure it out, we'll adjust, we'll make it work. Don't worry," he tells me. I believe him. We will make it work. And these two miracle babies will bring more joy to our family then we could have ever dreamed of.
Keep growing little babies. In a few weeks we can officially tell the world you are coming!!
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